Find love after 40 with Renée Suzanne

It really sucks to put your best foot forward, get on a dating app and start chatting with guys and then have them send you an inappropriate picture.It’s awful and beyond disrespectful. It infuriates me that men do this and if this has happened to you, I’m so sorry. People really should treat each other better than this.But before you delete your dating apps and swear off dating and/or men, I want you to hear me out. I’m going to talk about why this happens and how you can shut it down. Online dating can be a depersonalizing experience, just like being in traffic. We treat each other much worse in traffic than we would walking on the sidewalk. Dating apps are a lot like this. We all tend to forget there are actual humans behind those pixels. So do your best to remember and not take this personally. It’s human nature. I still want you to block and delete men who do this, but don’t take it personally or swear off the apps. Now let’s talk about my best tips for making sure you never experience this again. Make…

Sushi, oysters, BBQ joints, hookah bars, how to connect with random people and have conversations, how to appreciate men, even men I’d never see again. Running around the city in my heels meeting random men who opened doors for me, bought me dinners and drinks, sometimes showed up drunk and tried to kiss me on first dates, and often broke my heart taught me so much. Thank you to all the men who taught me how to do this and spending a few hours and some (or a lot) of your hard earned money to get to know me. Sometimes I was an entitled brat. Most of the time, I needed to get over myself and realize that I was not the hottest thing on Match.com either. Sometimes I wasn’t as nice as I should have been. Sometimes the guys weren’t either. But I learned so much from my journey and I’m grateful for all of it. As difficult, awkward and downright painful as it was, I’d do it all over again twice just to be with my husband today.He is so worth it. I’m so grateful for everything I learned, including how to connect with…

If you have children, you’ve probably experienced entitlement. It can be maddening, but it’s part of growing up and hopefully it passes. But I see a lot of entitlement in the dating space. I think the prevalence of Disney movies, romance novels, TV and chick flicks contribute to this. We know these things are just entertainment and we don’t consciously mean to internalize them the way we do, but it’s clear to me that a lot of us feel entitled to things that just aren’t realistic. A wonderful romantic relationship with the man of your dreams is one of the most amazing things you can experience in this world, but it is not your birthright, no more than winning the lottery, the olympics or being a CEO is your birthright. These things may be possible for you with work and persistence, but you are not entitled to them simply for existing. And in case you haven’t noticed, most people don’t have these things. What you’re going for is kind of a big deal. Now, I happen to think that having a wonderful romantic…

Most of us want to feel an emotional connection with the person we’re dating. If things feel as bland as a piece of dry toast, your relationship is not likely to last. But sometimes we cross the line into Drama Central, where we expect every exchange to be a heated declaration of emotional connection, a confession of vulnerability, trials or deep dark secrets. We sometimes bond over our traumas and life’s tribulations, especially if we didn’t have the most amazing upbringing, and so many of us didn’t. It’s easy to wind up telling men things we shouldn’t and/or allowing them to use our dates as therapy sessions. It all feels so intense, like you’re really bonding and creating a meaningful connection but this is not healthy. Want proof? Think about the last few relationships you had emotional intensity in. All the fireworks, passion and drama. The confessions of feelings, all the stuff. What happened? Where are these guys now? Did those emotional experiences create the lasting bond you were hoping for? What…

If you’ve been single for longer than a year or so I can pretty much guarantee you that your situation is not a product of just not having met the right guy. You are looking at a mindset gap or a skill gap, and most likely both. Unless you address these things, you are likely to not only remain single, but create and intensify unhealthy dating patterns and it will get harder as you age. Continuing to hope that you just run into the right guy one of these days or that love will just happen to you is a terrible plan. Creating and sustaining a healthy relationship requires much more skill than luck, so I suggest you start building those skills now. Work and change will be required, but it’s the only way forward. The reason for this is that good relationships don’t happen to us, they are built. We are the ones who are responsible for building them, one day at a time, one conversation at a time. You have to start with the right kind of person, but in order to do that, you have to have the skills to present…

I remember telling one of my friends that I didn’t really think I was going to meet a great guy online. I was just “duty dating” and she responded that she didn’t feel that way at all. She actually expected to meet great guys. And she did! She had a blast with online dating while I trudged around like a deflated balloon constantly getting disappointed. So who was right? We both were. We got what we expected. What do you expect from online dating and apps? Answer this question because it really matters. And if your expectations are awful, I want you to know that it absolutely can have a huge impact on your experience with these platforms. Expect to do well, expect that your man is out there. (He is! Where else would he be???) If you’re anything like me, you’re probably thinking that you already know from experience that this stuff doesn’t work. And my answer is, why are you trying then? Why are you listening to this podcast or doing any of it? It’s because you want to find your guy. In order for that to…

If you’re hoping that your luck will change when it comes to dating, I get it. I spent many years hoping for the same thing. After all, what else are women supposed to do? Isn’t something terribly wrong with you if you need to actually do anything proactive to find love?Well, I finally decided to call BS on that idea and I hope you will too. Because hope is not getting you the results you want. Hope, without the action to back it up, is completely useless. I want you to supplement your hope by taking action on your own behalf by making a strategy and implementing it. This is your one and only life, at least as far as we know for sure, so I want you to make it count. If sharing your life with a man who adores you is important to you, it’s go time. I don’t want you wasting one more minute on hope without taking some action to back it up. Your dreams are too important to offload to just hoping they happen. And the saddest thing of all is that the longer you wait to do something besides hope, the harder it…

I have a friend who will remain nameless, but it’s someone that I know in real life so don’t think I’m calling any of you ladies out. This friend is super smart, but lost her spouse a few years ago in a horrible way and ended up a single parent with a full-time job. It was pretty awful. She soon met someone in real life who was recently divorced, much younger and had a young child. a very tumultuous on again off again relationship ensued. This person was totally wrong for her, but was super attractive, could’ve passed for a model, all the things we all think we want. But the relationship was very unhealthy with constant drama, and she ultimately saw this and ended it permanently. I was really worried that my friend was going to Alpha widow this guy, but she didn’t. What she did blew my mind: she went on a dating app, met a more age appropriate guy who didn’t look like a model and they’re in a happy relationship now. She had a very painful experience, but she learned from it and is in a better place today.…

Back in my single days, my favorite flavor of dating dysfunction was pining away for men who didn’t want to date me.I was so adept at lying to myself that I spent years nursing crushes on these men. I was convinced that they would come around. They’d see how perfect we were for each other and that I was such a catch. My feelings were what mattered, not theirs. Obviously because we were perfect for each other! They would have to wake up to reality sooner or later right? Well, not so much. And honestly, I can’t blame them! What do you think of men who won’t take no for an answer and go on about how perfect you are for each other when you don’t want to date them? It’s not pretty is it? So if you are indulging in this behavior, I want you to stop immediately. He is not perfect for you because he doesn’t want to date you. The thought that he is perfect for you is an absolute lie, a poisonous fiction that is literally destroying your chances of finding love. It is my belief that one of the reasons I did this is…

Have you ever stopped seeing a man because you were afraid of leading him on? What exactly does it really mean to lead a man on? I asked the Googles, and what I found was very interesting. Leading someone on is sending mixed signals, deliberately giving a false impression of romantic interest, excessive friendliness or flirting with no intention of pursuing a romantic relationship, seeking validation or avoiding honest conversations. My guess is that you would not intentionally do any of these things because you are a decent human being. Continuing to see a man you’re uncertain about in order to give him a chance to grow on you is NOT leading a man on, it is giving a connection a chance to develop. When you stop seeing a man who’s excited about you because you’re afraid of leading him on, you could very well be sabotaging your chances of getting into a good relationship at all. This is because the best relationships tend to be the ones where the man is more excited about the woman and is motivated to move…

Do you think dating is a waste of time? I sure used to. It all seemed so futile. Year after year would slip by and all I’d have to show for it was another heartbreak or 2 if I’d managed to meet anyone I was interested in at all. You cannot afford to spend your time this way. It’s time to make some changes. Time is not your friend as a single woman. I know this is harsh, but I'm not here to blow smoke at you and tell you fairytales.If you want a great guy, it’s only going to get harder, so stop wasting your time asap. Here are the top ways I see women wasting their time in dating. Not giving good guys a chance. You think you’re saving time by cutting them off early, but you’re shooting yourself in the foot. Staying with the wrong guys too long. A man who is not in love with you or doesn’t share your relationship goals is a waste of time. Get rid of him. Hiding and calling it healing. You need to be out meeting and dating men. When you take time off and don’t do anything with it or learn from what you’ve been…

I’m willing to bet anything that you’re scrolling past good guys all the time on the apps. You’re overlooking these men in favor of who you think you should be dating, but those guys never work out. No you don’t have to have a certain type. Have you noticed that those guys never work out? Why would you tell yourself that story? Stop it now if you want a man in your life anytime soon. Most women on these apps are trying to date the same 10% of guys and overlooking the rest. There are good men on dating apps and they are looking for you. But you’re: Scrolling past them in favor of the flashy guys Dumping them because they aren’t your type Not giving them a chance because you don’t feel chemistry right away Blowing them off because they come off as needy, desperate or get too excited about you It isn’t working. These guys you think you should be dating aren’t giving you the time of day. They’re non-commital at best and flat out ignoring you at worst. And you’re wasting years telling yourself there are no good…

You need to get real about what dating looks like after 40 so that you can have a fighting chance at getting into a real relationship with a good guy. This isn’t an easy thing to do after 40, but we tend to make it even harder by not facing the reality of what dating and relationships look like at this life stage. When you expect it to look like it did in your 20’s (even though nothing else does!) you are in for a rough ride. If you want to find a good man out there, you’ll benefit massively from aligning your priorities with what you really want. So instead of prioritizing a man’s height, looks, swagger, excitement level, think about the kind of relationship you really want, how you want to feel with this man. Then, consider the qualities a man would need to possess to be able to participate in this kind of relationship and prioritize those qualities instead. A good shortcut for this is to think about your best friends. What qualities do they possess? What do you like about them? You’re much more likely to…

In order to find a good guy out there, you have to do something to make it happen. I want you to give up on the myth that it’s going to just happen one of these days and get to work. Stop believing things like:Love happens when you least expect it It happens when it is meant to be It will happen if it’s meant to happen You’ll just go about your business and see what happens. That might work when you’re younger and surrounded by single age appropriate men but it’s terrible advice when you’re in your 40s and up, so cut it out. You need to be meeting new men regularly and the best way to do that is to get on a dating app. So just freaking do it. And do it with a great profile and work on your dating skills.If you’re hoping to just luck into this, you are literally shooting yourself in the foot and I don’t want this for you.You have to actually try to meet people. I want you to take this as seriously as you would a job search, financial or fitness goal. Make a plan to get what you want in this world and then put…

Your future husband is on a dating app right now looking for you. He gets as frustrated scrolling through all the ridiculousness, just like you do. I want you to help him find you. The best way to do this is to have a top notch dating profile. And yes, the pictures matter. You need those too. But your profile must stand out. The men you want to meet actually read them and decide how to treat you based on their first impression of you. This is unconscious of course, good men will treat everyone respectfully, but if you want him to be really excited about you, you’ll need a good profile. Most people have no idea how to do this. They just wing it and write the same things everyone else does which is BORING. Think about it though, you’re a successful woman who’s gotten far in life. Would you search for your dream job with a resume that you threw together on the couch one night with a glass of wine in one hand? No! The stakes are even higher here. You’re looking for someone to share the rest of your life with…

I once met a guy speed dating and I thought he was very handsome.It later became apparent that he thought I was someone else when he scheduled our follow up date. I thought he was very handsome until I didn’t. This was an excellent, but very painful lesson for me and it made me think about a lot of things. What makes someone attractive? How tall/handsome/successful he is? Where he lives? Where he travels? What he reads? I saw him later at a street fest and turned away from him because it just felt awful to see him. I literally found him repulsive because I associated him with a negative painful experience. By contrast, my husband recently drove an hour + to the city to pick me up at 11:00 at night because I got food poisoning when I was out with my friends. He brought bags and a towel and held my hand while I tried not to be sick in the car. He took care of me the next day when I could barely move. Is that handsome hunk you think you should be dating going to do that for you or will he be at the gym or…

If you’re anything like me when I was single, you just want to skip to the good part and be in an amazing relationship. Looking for a guy is hard. Early dating feels clunky and awkward. You think that if you could just meet the right person and get into a relationship, everything would be fine. I found out from experience that this is not true at all. I think that dating being what it is is the Universe’s way of getting you ready for that relationship you want so much. Relationships don’t just happen, they are built. Healthy relationships take skills to build and maintain and if you don’t possess these skills you likely won’t be able to get into a relationship in the first place, and if you do it either won’t be healthy or it won’t last. Or both. I know that is not what society tells us. We’ve been weaned on this narrative that we will meet the right person and then everything will fall into place, but if you’re over 40 and this has not happened yet, it is very likely that a skill gap is responsible for…

I have a funny analogy for you parents out there. Has your child ever asked you to buy them something that they had the money for? They REEEEAAALLLY wanted it and pleaded with you to get it for them? And when you suggested that they could use their own money to buy it, they suddenly didn’t want it as much? I had 4 kiddos and this happened often. It’s kind of hilarious when you think about it. It’s human nature to be more cautious with your own money than someone else’s. Now consider your desire to find a man to share your life with. I hear all the time from women who want God/the Universe to bring them a man but when I ask what they are doing, the answer tends to be “Not very much”. Now why would God/the Universe spend his or her time and effort doing the work that you should be doing? It’s your dream for heaven’s sake! If you want God/the Universe to help you, consider meeting them halfway or at least trying to show them you’re serious about this finding a man thing. Because any good parent knows that it’s…

Do you know someone who watches basketball all the time? Are they a pro basketball player? Probably not. Because knowledge is not enough to actually get good at basketball. And the same is true for dating. I LOVE that you’re listening to this podcast AND, I want you to take action. Have you:Written your profile? Taken awesome pictures? Logged onto a dating site?How many new men are you talking to each week? Are you going on dates? Do these dates turn into relationships?If you want to find your forever guy, you need to be doing these things regularly. Simply knowing a lot about dating is not helping you. I talk to people who have been reading, watching webinars, listening to podcasts for years and still don’t have what they want. If this is you, you’re doing it wrong. Dating is a skill that can be learned and I can help you learn it fast, but you have to actually practice, not just watch.Don’t be like the guy who spends every weekend watching basketball (or football or whatever) who knows everything about the…

Unavailable men are like the junk food of dating. If you’ve ever tried to quit anything that’s bad for you, you know how hard it is to change your preferences from things that are bad to you to things that are good for you. It involves work, but it can be done. The same goes for dating. You simply must change your preferences if you’re ever going to get different results with dating. Because dating based on attraction alone is not working for you if the only men you find attractive are not available. You need to question everything you believe and hold dear if you are to overcome this, but it’s worth it. Instead of only dating men you’re attracted to and then trying to change them, which is a ton of work and completely ineffective. Put that amount of work into changing yourself, your ideas about who you should be with and your preferences.Both are hard to do, but only one has any chance of working. It’s much easier to change yourself than another person. If you’re to have any chance of a happy relationship,…

Is dating getting more exhausting and annoying by the minute? Are you constantly frustrated with the entire thing and ready to throw in the towel? Do you cut off men quickly, telling yourself you’re saving time, but then there’s no one left to date? You may have dating fatigue. I’ve so been there. But this mindset is counterproductive because: It makes dating feel awful You generally come off as a sourpuss and terrify good men It makes the entire process take even LONGER What’s a girl to do? Assume good intent whenever possible. You don’t have to tolerate a bunch of nonsense and date complete derelicts, but taking a deep breath and assuming good intentions on the part of other humans will usually work out in your favor. Stop looking for things to be offended about or writing men off at the drop of a hat. Stop complaining about how awful dating is to anyone who will listen. Instead, cultivate a trust that things are going to work out for you, there are great guys out there and you’re going to find one and…

You’re minding your own business and having a perfectly decent life when out of the blue you get a text from HIM. You know the one. He dumped you awhile back. Maybe he wasn’t looking for anything serious, got busy with work, or just kind of faded away. And you were almost over him, but now this. You really liked him and you haven’t met anyone near as good lately. Should you give it another shot? What does it mean when a man reaches back out to you after ghosting/breaking up/etc?Should you be flattered? Has he finally seen the light and realized how amazing you are? NO! Men go into recycle mode and troll for low-hanging fruit. This is not flattering. You are not low-hanging fruit! I have a great free resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP. Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN I just created a brand new package to help you write an amazing dating profile! If you’d like to check it out, click here.

Today I’m chatting with my good friend and coach Angie Taylor Wilson about dating after divorce. We tackle questions like: How do I get back into dating after a divorce? How can I avoid getting catfished? When is the right time to date? How do I know if I'm really ready to date? When and how do I discuss dating situations with my children? How do I handle disappointment? And more! Angie is a coach for women who want to love their lives again after divorce. You can check out her website here. You can check out her podcast Love Your Life After Divorce here. I have a great resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP. Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

Today, I'm interviewing wealth building expert Germaine Foley. We discussed the importance of building wealth for single women. Germaine, a life and money coach, shares her expertise in helping women build wealth without sacrificing their lifestyle. Her approach is different from the traditional personal finance advice, which often involves strict budgeting and slashing expenses. Instead, Germaine's model allows women to build wealth while still enjoying life. She emphasized the importance of financial stability in dating and relationships, stating that it allows for a sense of competence and independence. Germaine also discussed how financial stress can affect one's dating life and prevent them from pursuing relationships. We also talked about the importance of aligning spending with personal values and goals. Viewing financial management as a fun and enjoyable process can help alleviate stress and make it more approachable. Germain suggests identifying what brings you joy and fulfillment, and investing in…

When it comes to dating, most of us have preferences. Things like tall, dark and handsome. Ivy-league educated. Knows where the good restaurants are. Likes Sushi and The Cure. We often tell ourselves that these things are must-haves, to our own detriment. They are not. A man does not have to like a certain kind of food, look a certain way or live a certain lifestyle to love you and treat you well. I see women prioritize these qualities and end up with men who are terrible. Men who string them along for years, don’t treat them well and never end up marrying them. Don’t confuse preferences with deal-breakers. Deal-breakers are things like: cruel to animals, living under a bridge, isn’t interested in the form of relationship you are seeking, lives too far away to see you often enough to build a relationship. At any given time, there are a certain number of single men in your area and age range out there dating. Every single quality you insist that he possesses decreases your pool of eligible candidates. You get…

My clients often tell me that they’re not finding anyone exciting on the dating sites and apps. They scroll and swipe and sigh. They come away deflated. I get it. I used to feel this way too. So I have a bit of a reality check for you today. Expecting to find exciting guys among strangers on the internet is simply not a good plan. The competition is likely to be pretty stiff for the most “exciting” men on these platforms and they’re almost never the best guys. They are usually all sparkle and no substance. Impressive looking but a nightmare to date. If you even manage to date them. You may have already experienced this phenomenon. I sure did. Excitement is overrated. As much as possible, stop expecting dating to be exciting. Look for solid men that you can have a good relationship with. Men who will drive you to the airport, go to work every day and care about you when you’re sick can be really awesome. Exciting men rarely do these things. Boring and ordinary is awesome. You need to retrain your brain to see…

How many times have you heard about a man falling in love with a woman and completely doing a 180 on his entire life? He quits robbing banks, sleeping around, living in his mother’s basement or whatever and turns into a stand up guy who promptly marries the long-suffering woman who believed in him or played hard to get or whatever thing she did that made her so special that he just had to change for her? Please excuse me while I roll my eyes and go throw up. Because this is utter nonsense and I don’t want you believing it for a minute. It’s the stuff of Hollywood and fiction, not real life. And since we live in the real world, I want to help you get what you want in the here and now, not just in your fantasies. Getting into a committed relationship is not about being special enough to a man for him to fall in love with you and abandon whatever it is that he thought he wanted before he met you. So instead of trying to be the most special person in the universe, I would like you to focus on finding a man who…

This week, we’re talking to my client Lisa who found a wonderful man in less than 4 weeks! We’re talking about what dating was like before we worked together, her struggles with dating unavailable men and how (and why) she decided to reach out and work with a coach. She shares what it’s really like to get coaching and date differently and what her experience was like. Lisa learned how to actually apply the concepts she had been learning about in the real world to find her boyfriend and he absolutely adores her. Listen in to learn how it worked for her and can work for you too. I have a great resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP. Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

The new guy you’re seeing keeps messaging you, texting you, calling you and can’t wait to see you again. Maybe he’s declared his feelings for you, wants you to meet his family, take down your profiles, or become exclusive. This is all feeling a bit too soon for you and you’re starting to feel uncomfortable. Should you have a talk? Set a boundary? Start to distance yourself or even tell him you don’t want to see him anymore? First, take a deep breath. This is a great problem to have and you’re probably closer than you think to being partnered up! Men who are excited about you almost always will move faster than you are comfortable with and this can feel uncomfortable, especially if you have a pattern of dating unavailable men. We all think we want a man who is excited about us and eager to move the relationship forward and then when it actually happens we tend to think he’s moving too fast. I want you to notice that “too fast” is a matter of opinion. There is no objective measure of what is fast or slow in…

I have a question for you today. How serious are you about finding a wonderful man to share your life with? What are you willing to do to make it happen? Do you think things like: It would be nice if it happened One of these days, I’ll just meet someone I don’t need a man, but I’d like it if one just landed in my life somehow These thoughts are passive and are not likely to get you the results you’re hoping for. What is so romantic about not getting what you want in life? Do you really want to find your forever man? If so, when would you like this to happen? If the answer is yes, and anytime in the very near future, I want to encourage you to make a plan for yourself to achieve this goal. There is plenty you can do to put yourself in a position to find your guy. You need to be crystal clear about what you want. Decide on your priorities. Get in front of as many new men as possible, including getting on a dating site/app. Show up regularly and talk to men. Vet men for your relationship goals. Go on dates.…

So many women confuse the gestures of a man who is excited about them with love bombing, so I decided to do a podcast about it to help you get clear on the difference. Most new relationships go through a honeymoon phase and it does take a certain amount of enthusiasm to get a new connection going. In most relationships, this interest and pursuit is generally on the man’s part and is well-intentioned because he is really excited about you. Many women who have been around the block a time or two are wary of this level of attention and find it off-putting. This is especially true if you have a pattern of dating unavailable men and feel uncomfortable with a man getting too close. Some women see anything more than general standoffishness and slight neglect as overeagerness or even love bombing, but it is very normal for an emotionally healthy man who is excited about you to want to call or text you every day. Love bombing is very excessive flattery, attention or gift giving and it is done to manipulate or gain…

As we age we tend to mature. We no longer dress, act or live the way we did when we were children or in our teens. We become more responsible and consider our long term goals. We learn from experience and (hopefully) make better choices. Our tastes also tend to mature. We trade Happy Meals for fine restaurants, a good steak or salad, maybe a glass of fine wine. We can’t eat pizza or nachos every night and not feel awful or experience health consequences that we don’t want to deal with. We recognize this and adjust accordingly. And yet…. So many of us, myself included back in the day, refuse to date like the mature women we have become. We go online and complain that the men all look like our fathers or grandfathers, but we don’t look 21 anymore either. We insist on sparks flying immediately when we know full well how badly it went with the last 17 men who gave us butterflies. We call this “not settling”, but what it really is is a refusal to be realistic and grow the heck up. When it comes to dating, we…

You’ve listened to podcasts, read books, maybe even taken a few classes, but you still haven’t found your guy. You think if you just hang in there a while longer, you’ll meet the right person. And you’ll really try harder. You’ll go back on the dating apps, polish up your profile, be less picky, stop wasting time with the wrong men. You know what’s keeping you single and you’re determined to make the necessary changes. It will be different this time. So you go off into the dating world with renewed hope and how long does it take for the same thing to happen? If you’re anything like me, not very long at all. And there you are. Again. If this is you, it’s ok. It was me for so very long and I finally figured it out and married a great guy. So can you. But I will tell you this; the fastest, easiest, least painful way to take this journey is with support from an expert. Knowledge without application simply isn’t enough to move the needle when it comes to dating effectively. You may finally be able to do this on…

Your bestie has been married since college. Your colleague went on Match.com and got 3 dates her first week. Your college roommate married a great guy even though she partied all through her 20’s and has never been promoted. Meanwhile, you listen to podcasts, gorge on self-help books, take all the workshops and come up empty handed. Why don’t other people have to work so hard to find love? And what about the men, why aren’t they doing any freaking work?? I hear you. It feels really frustrating to think that you have to do more than other people to get the things that you want. I have definitely been there. I was relationship-challenged until well into my 40’s and it was not fair at all. But fair or not, I really wanted to have a wonderful relationship and get married and it showed no signs of actually happening unless something changed drastically. And I finally came to the conclusion that that something had to be me. I was the one who wanted the result you see. So even though life will probably never be…

This week, we’re continuing our discussion on shopping for men. This is the final episode in a 4 part series, so go back and listen to the first 3 if you haven’t yet. Last week I talked about how to evaluate the men who reach out to you based on their availability for a relationship and their character. Specifically, you’re seeking a man who wants the kind of relationship you want. This matters so much more than what his job title is, how good his pictures are or how tall he is. When you vet men for this trait instead of the superficial ones most women value, a whole new world of possibilities will open up to you. There are so many men who are largely ignored on dating sites and apps because they are seen as ordinary, boring, too eager and other such nonsense. These men have no game. Which makes them perfect. Ordinary, boring and too eager are fantastic. Most people are pretty ordinary overall, which is why ordinary means ordinary. If you want excitement, create an exciting life for yourself or just watch a…

OK, this episode is going to be more fun. We’re going to talk about how to shop for men. When you go shopping, it helps to have a list, and you may already have one. If you do, think about what’s on it. Height, weight, level of fitness, hair color, does he have hair?? How much money does he make? Sense of humor? Does he like the same foods as you? Is he well-dressed, well-read, well-educated, can he spell?? I want you to stop this right now. If you’re over 40 and have dated much at all, you’ve probably got a past full of these guys and they never worked out. Ask yourself why. Do any of the qualities listed above make a man a good person or a good husband? No. Yet most women value superficial qualities like this highly in the dating world. I get it. I used to do the same thing. And it’s much easier to notice when a man has these qualities than to take the time to discover his character. But in the long run, a man’s main value to you is his availability to have the kind of relationship you want to have.…

Welcome back! This is part 2 of a 4 part series, so if you missed last week, go back and listen to that first. In this episode, I’m talking about how to understand your own value in the dating market. This might be a bit tough, so if you’re feeling tender today, I want to send you a big hug and encourage you to come back to this episode later when you’re feeling better. If you’re ready for some truth bombs, come along with me now and know that everything I say is with love and in service to you so that you can find a great guy already. Here goes. So many women do not understand their value in the dating world. They think that men value the same things women do (they don’t) They think they look good for their age (they do, but it doesn’t help as much as you think) They think that dating should look like it did when they were younger (it definitely doesn’t) It’s really hard to be objective about your value in the dating market, but I have a handy shortcut. Generally speaking, you are capable of attracting the…

We romanticize love, relationships and dating in our culture. We end up incredibly frustrated when it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen to us, and around the time we hit our 40s, we become increasingly discouraged and can often doubt whether it’s meant to be for us at all. I think this is a shame and I want to offer you another point of view today. What if there is no magic involved in the search for love? What if I could show you that finding a connection and having love in your life is not only possible, but inevitable if you look at things a little differently and learn a few simple skills. This is fantastic news, because it means there’s actually something you can do to help yourself have this experience. This episode is the first of a 4 part series where I’m going to break down some very simple and pragmatic ideas that will help you find a great guy to share your life with, no miracles required. Ready? The first idea I want you to consider is that the world of singles who are seeking a connection…

I used to think that dating was something you didn’t ask for help with. I felt ashamed and didn’t want to admit the extent of my struggles. Instead, I hoped that people would just assume that I was happy and didn’t need a man. But as the years went by, I cared less about what others thought. I ached to find a man to share my life with and nothing I did was working. I didn’t know how to make it happen and I didn’t want to believe that it wasn’t possible for me. I finally realized that it wasn’t just going to happen one of these days, so I decided to hire a coach. It was expensive, but when I look back, not asking for help was so much more costly. I was single for 20 years. I spent at least 10 hours a week: Dating, thinking about dating, complaining about dating, reading self-help books about dating, googling dating tips, writing and re-writing my profile, texting, messaging, talking to guys or thinking about how to do those things, wracking my brain trying to figure out what was wrong with me, obsessing over…

Sometimes I talk to women who are desperate for a dating solution and are hoping I can deliver the goods. I can of course, but not in the way they hope. They want me to provide some kind of magical secret that will help them attract the same kinds of men they dated in their 20’s, even though none of them worked out. Or let them in on some secret location where only good men hang out so that they can go to those places and just pick one. Or even tell them a way to make a man (or certain kind of man) who’s not interested in dating them suddenly fall crazy in love with them and propose. Now I’m not judging these women because I used to be just like them. At one point in my dating journey, I was actually so desperate for a solution that I bought a book of magic spells and read it. And I definitely tried all sorts of manifestation and feminine energy tricks and cleaning out my closet and such. So I really do get it. But this kind of thing is just plain ineffective. It’s the equivalent of hoping that if you drink…

Have you had a bad experience with online dating or apps? I have. I used to hate these platforms and intermittently swear them off. I thought they were full of scammers, weirdos, cheaters and all kinds of awful. And it’s true. There’s no shortage of these men on the internet, or anywhere else for that matter. But what’s also true is there are lots of good men on these platforms as well. And when you know how to find them, these platforms are an absolute gold mine. Seriously the best thing ever. The key is that you have to know how to find them and that requires working on your dating skills. Think about this: you’ve had some relationships in your life. Some were good, others not so much. You met these men in a variety of ways. You’ve probably had men you met in real life break your heart, cheat on you, not want anything serious, etc. These things can happen with anyone regardless of where you meet them. Consider your last 3 relationships and what happened that made them not work out. Was he a cheater?…

I hear all the time about how there are no good men on the dating sites/apps and I used to believe this myself. But here’s the truth. There are good men everywhere and they are mixed in with the bad ones. Church/school/work/coffee shops/bars/dating sites/apps are all full of men. The planet is literally full of people and about half of them are men. There is no place on earth where there are only good men. At least that I know of. The dating sites and apps actually have more men than women on them in general, so the odds are slightly in your favor as far as the numbers go. Think about it, you’re a grown woman with a life, a job, responsibilities, maybe kids, trying to do other things besides find someone to date. How are you going to meet new men if you don’t use these platforms? Do you really want to have to go out every single night for months, maybe even years? Maybe you do, but most men don’t. They have lives/jobs/kids/responsibilities too. And they are on these platforms. Are they all fantastic? No, but…

If you’re over 40, you probably remember the days before dating sites and apps were a thing. And it’s so tempting to want to go back to the good old days when things were simpler. I get it. I used to feel the same way. Dating sites and apps felt so cold, scary and impersonal. But here’s the thing, I wasn’t meeting very many new men back then. And when I did, problems would arise: I had no idea if they were available or interested in dating me I’d think maybe they liked me and waste months (or longer) crushing on them instead of meeting more men It was so much work to go out all the time, think of new and different places to go, work the room instead of sticking to one person or 2, or God forbid, try to get rid of the guy I definitely wasn’t interested in who glommed on to me the minute I arrived. I’d fantasize about running into someone at the bookstore, supermarket or the gym, but on the rare occasions when this actually occurred he wouldn’t turn out to be my “type” or I’d be so jarred by the awkwardness of…

Today, I’m chatting with blended family experts, Mike and Kim Anderson about how to navigate the complexities of dating when you have kids. I wish I’d had this information when I was starting out! Mike and Kim helped my husband and I navigate through blending our families early on when we were struggling and we would have been lost without them. Their compassion and wisdom made our journey so much easier and less painful than it could have been otherwise. Today, I’m asking them questions I hear all the time from my clients who have kids such as: I want to find someone but I have kids, what should I do? How long should I wait to date? What ages should the kids be? Should I just wait until they grow up?? Is dating even worth it when you have kids? Should I tell the kids I’m dating? What if they don’t like the person I’m seeing? You’re going to love their warmth and wisdom and come away from this episode with so much encouragement. You can find out more about Mike and Kim’s work by clicking here. I have a great…

Are you in love with a man who hasn’t asked you out? Maybe you’re crushing on him from afar. Maybe he’s a friend, colleague or you see him around every now and again. He’s polite, chats with you, maybe even flirts a bit, but he never asks you out. He doesn’t even ask for your number or suggest staying in touch in any way. But you wonder, could there be something there? Well, you probably know what I’m going to say next if you’ve been listening to this podcast for any length of time….. I’ve been there. So many times. So have many of my friends and clients. And I’ve never once seen this kind of thing turn into anything but a painful embarrassing mess. Is it OK to ask him out, offer your number, or suggest some sort of meeting that you manage to convince yourself isn’t really asking him out? Of course it is! You are a grown woman and you are free to do whatever you wish. Just don’t be surprised when it doesn’t go the way you would like. I am attempting to spare you this pain which I have experienced way too…

Has the guy you’re seeing suggested any of these things: Takeout at his place Netflix and chill Helping him shop or do chores Attending his events Or does he keep texting and texting but never ask you out? Or do you get the dreaded late-night text or call asking if he can come over or if you’ll come to his place? NOOOOOOOOO! If you’re seeing this behavior in the men you date, I’d like you to consider upgrading your presence so that men know they’re dealing with a quality woman. Some guys are just looking for a good time and do things like this to scoop up low hanging fruit, women who will give them what they want without much, if any, effort on their part. Women who tolerate this behavior, usually in the name of being “cool, easy to get along with, nice, or “low maintenance”, are almost never treated well. They think it’s because men are terrible, but what really happened is that they have no standards for how they are treated and let men walk all over them. I want you to have high standards in dating; not…

I was putting together a great reading list for my Dating Mastery clients and it made me realize that I have read a LOT of books about dating! Honestly, I’d have a PhD in dating if they existed. There are so many great books on this list and I learned a lot from all of them. I used to spend hours and hours gorging on self-help back in the day, still do! And while I LOOOOOOVE self-help books, I was also reminded of how even though I learned a ton from them, I was not very good at applying the information. I think this is very common. Knowledge alone does not create lasting change in your life, applying that knowledge does. And sometimes it’s just difficult to know how to do that. That’s why coaching is so effective in helping you learn new skills. There’s just no substitute for applying knowledge to master the skills you need to create the results you want in your life. It’s like reading a bunch of books about how to ride a bike compared to actually going out and practicing. So if you share my intense love of…

Today we’re talking to a matchmaker! If you’ve ever considered working with one, you will love this episode. I’m interviewing Lisa with Selective Search and she’s answering my most burning questions like: Who is a good candidate to work with a matchmaker? What are the benefits of hiring a matchmaker? What is the price range? What can clients expect? What should one look for in a matchmaker? If I decide to work with the matchmaker, how can I make the most of the experience? And more! Working with a matchmaker is a serious investment of time and money, but they can offer incredible results. You can find out more about her work here. I have a great resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP. Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

Has the man you’re seeing started making excuses, seeing you less often, or saying any of the following things: I need space I’m not over my ex I’m really busy right now I’m going through a lot I have a lot on my mind My kids/parents/job really need me I’m confused Don’t wait a guy like this out. All of these things and more may be true, but a man who wants you in his life will figure it out, not blow you off. Think about it, no one with a shred of decency says something like “I can’t stand to spend another minute with you and I really want to go back out and see if I can find someone better so please go away immediately”. Guys say things like this to soften the blow. They may even say they’re not sure or they need time, usually because they actually do like you and will miss you, but NOT because they are crazy about you and planning to have a long term relationship with you. Guys also like to buy themselves a little time to find someone else before they completely let you go, as selfish as it is. So when a…

Does he have lots of women friends, stay friends with all his exes and drive you crazy with insecurity and jealousy? Does he gaslight you about this or do you gaslight yourself? Do you feel awful, insecure or jealous a lot of the time and wish he would change his ways? Get rid of guys like this!! Men who want to hang out with all the women generally have ginormous egos and aren’t interested in monogamous relationships. Even if you find a man who is, he’s not your guy if this behavior is unacceptable to you. Don’t expect him to change, grow out of it or get past it because he loves you enough. Don’t expect yourself to get over it once you’re secure enough. Most women do not enjoy this experience and it’s ok if you’re like most women. Just find a guy who’s in it to win it with YOU! He’s out there looking for you right now. I have a great resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP. Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN