The Vampire Diaries Diaries

Beth and Claire return to your ears with a recap of 2017's Wrapped Up in Christmas, where an uptight career woman and a lawyer-turned-painter find love... at the mall! Special appearance by everybody's favorite drunk grandma, Jasmine Guy.

All we want for Christmas is for Mayor Carol Lockwood to not be dead :(

A tale of flashbacks and flash drives...

Not even a good old-fashioned Miss Mystic Falls pageant can save this episode from its terrible plotlines.

Elena fails to die at Wickery Bridge for the third time.

I hope the Mystic Grill has restaurantmobile insurance.

Now they at the frat party, having a great time.

Despite all her rage, Elena is still just a rat in a cage.

Claire and Beth share their most memorable puking stories in solidarity with Elena, who's not having a great day.

More like "Growing Fangs" am I right?

Season three comes to a close (and it only took us 3 years and 11 months to get through it)!

A very special episode about what NOT to do right after having multiple pints of blood removed from your body.

In which Rebekah is once again prevented from attending a school dance.

Stefan and Alaric's dark sides have a play date, and Elena gets very horny in Denver.

In which there's definitely more than one murder.

Alaric woke up on the evil side of the bed, and Damon orchestrates the least sexy threesome of all time.

The serial killer plotline comes to a head in the most convoluted way possible, and we flash back to a not-very-interesting Mystic Falls, 1912.

Esther wants to murder All Her Children and only Elena cares enough to try to stop her.

The Originals throw a lavish ball, but horses steal the show.

Five resurrections, four stabbings and one death: just another typical week in Mystic Falls!

Jeremy's gone, but Bill Forbes is back to take his place at the top of our shit list.

We're back after a lengthy hiatus to talk about Wickery Bridge and pizza bagels.

Elena hasn't been this worried about Jeremy since he was smoking the weed.

The gang's latest "Let's kill Klaus!" plan breaks the record for most double-crosses.

In which we learn that Mikael was the Original Douchebag.

Welcome back, Lexi! Welcome back, Uncle Mason! WELCOME BACK, DRUNK GRANDMA!!!!!!!

It's the first day of Senior Year and only two people get stabbed!

Klaus crashes Senior Prank Night and Matt manages to come up with an idiotic plan that even Elena couldn't rival.

Everybody wants Elena's ugly-ass necklace and Alaric takes a major tumble in our list of favorite characters.

A better title for this episode would have been Nik and Stefan's Infinite Slaylist.

Elena out-dumbs herself while Matt and Jeremy embark on a ghost adventure.

Elena's 18th birthday is more crappy than happy.

S02E22: As I Lay Dying by The Vampire Diaries Diaries

Everybody is clamoring to be Aunt Jenna's understudy in Klaus's ritual.

The sacrifice is tonight so naturally Stefan forces Elena to hike up a mountain.

Let's give a warm welcome to Niklaus 1492 and his terrible wig!

AlarKlaus is not a very good Decade Dance chaperone.

There's a lot of backstabbing, but this time it's figurative.

Astral projection and flamethrowers don't mix well.

No dinner party is complete without at least two surprise stabbings.

Stefan and Elena's romantic weekend getaway ends up a bit more murdery than they expected.

Our previous guests Rose and Mike join us for a holiday recap of Jack Frost, aka the movie where Michael Keaton turns into a snowman.

Never go with a werewolf to a second location.

Rose isn't feeling very well.

Tyler turns into both a werewolf and a sympathetic character for the first time.

Everybody has their own plan for evading Klaus and they're all terrible.

Goodbye Katherine 1864, hello Katerina 1490!

We find out why you should never enter into a slap bet with a vampire, and VERY special guest Chuck Tingle calls in for a quick chat about love, and the dangers of going home with handsome vampires.

Everybody's trying to kill Katherine, and Beth and Claire get real during Why Are Men.

Who gets stabbed in the Gilbert kitchen this week? Listen to find out!